This is Front Page 2

Hi, I’m a naughty nurse, and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute.

Who are those horrible orange men? Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD NIGHT! Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics, then retired to promote alcoholic beverages!

  • I was having the most wonderful dream. Except you were there, and you were there, and you were there!
  • Actually, that’s still true.
  • Who are those horrible orange men?

Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? Bender, quit destroying the universe! As an interesting side note, as a head without a body, I envy the dead. I wish! It’s a nickel. Fry, we have a crate to deliver.

Oh, you’re a dollar naughtier than most. Oh dear! She’s stuck in an infinite loop, and he’s an idiot! Well, that’s love for you. Is today’s hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? Moving along…

Yes, except the Dave Matthews Band doesn’t rock. Fry! Quit doing the right thing, you jerk! I didn’t ask for a completely reasonable excuse! I asked you to get busy! Our love isn’t any different from yours, except it’s hotter, because I’m involved.

You, minion. Lift my arm. AFTER HIM! I suppose I could part with ‘one’ and still be feared… Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? …To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? …To shreds, you say.

Soon enough. She also liked to shut up! Calculon is gonna kill us and it’s all everybody else’s fault! You are the last hope of the universe. Your best is an idiot!

It’s a T. It goes “tuh”. But existing is basically all I do! Guards! Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away! We don’t have a brig. The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.

That’s not soon enough! Kif, I have mated with a woman. Inform the men. With a warning label this big, you know they gotta be fun! Now what?

And remember, don’t do anything that affects anything, unless it turns out you were supposed to, in which case, for the love of God, don’t not do it! If rubbin’ frozen dirt in your crotch is wrong, hey I don’t wanna be right.

No! The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires! That’s not soon enough! For one beautiful night I knew what it was like to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored. I’m just glad my fat, ugly mama isn’t alive to see this day.

These old Doomsday Devices are dangerously unstable. I’ll rest easier not knowing where they are. Bender?! You stole the atom. I didn’t ask for a completely reasonable excuse! I asked you to get busy! I didn’t ask for a completely reasonable excuse! I asked you to get busy!

Ask her how her day was. Oh, I don’t have time for this. I have to go and buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain. Interesting. No, wait, the other thing: tedious.

By | 2018-04-09T19:55:10+00:00 Sunday, 1 April, 2018|